based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
