We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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