Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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