normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
vagina is talking i cant
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
