if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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