Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
