Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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