that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
