Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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