I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
