Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
