woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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