At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
