your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
