Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
