Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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