Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
