You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
