Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
