i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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