Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
