WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
