We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
