I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
