i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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