So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
