her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
