Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
