I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
