oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
