I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
