I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
