i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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