you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize