in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ketchup is God's man juice
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize