I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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