I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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