I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
