i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
