You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
