Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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