Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the day after is always just damage control
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
