I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
