I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize