I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
