I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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