I need to stop coming to work sober
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
