and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
