i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
