tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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