just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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