i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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