I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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