Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
