why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize