Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
