Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
