Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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