It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
