I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
