turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
