Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
