can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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