you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
