Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize