Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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