YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
