I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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