Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Boobs speak an international language.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
