to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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