she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you are never too drunk for berry picking
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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