Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
